At first there is a sinking feeling..
unless u have felt this u probably cannot imagine what the feeling is..
but literally it feels as if your heart drops to the very bottom of ur stomach..
it then begins to beat so quickly, u think u may be having a heart attack..
your whole body becomes weak, u want to move but u cannot
even to lift ur hands to brush away tears requires what feels like a superhuman effort..
u are hungry, but u have no appetite..
u force urself to eat because the hunger pangs are crippling you..
yet u can take no more than two or three bites of what u have prepared..
ur tummy aches and u have to use the bathroom..
five times in 3 hours...the diarrhoea dehydrates you..
you are now even weaker than you were before...
u try to sleep, but u can't, images of the betrayal plays thru ur mind constantly and they will not stop..
if you believe in a higher power, u BEG them to stop the pain,
u have been through it before, u know u cannot go thru it again..
you try to distract urself with things you have to do,
clean house, watch tennis, write that report...
but before long u remember and all you want to do is crawl into bed and fall asleep...
nothing gets done, u have wasted the day, u r now even more behind than u were before...
and still you cannot force yourself to do what u know needs to be done...
u see u think i am just angry and upset..
what u don't know is that i have died a little inside...