Monday, May 17, 2010

The anatomy of Hurt

At first there is a sinking feeling..
unless u have felt this u probably cannot imagine what the feeling is..
but literally it feels as if your heart drops to the very bottom of ur stomach..
it then begins to beat so quickly, u think u may be having a heart attack..
your whole body becomes weak, u want to move but u cannot
even to lift ur hands to brush away tears requires what feels like a superhuman effort..
u are hungry, but u have no appetite..
u force urself to eat because the hunger pangs are crippling you..
yet u can take no more than two or three bites of what u have prepared..
ur tummy aches and u have to use the bathroom..
five times in 3 hours...the diarrhoea dehydrates you..
you are now even weaker than you were before...
u try to sleep, but u can't, images of the betrayal plays thru ur mind constantly and they will not stop..
if you believe in a higher power, u BEG them to stop the pain,
u have been through it before, u know u cannot go thru it again..
you try to distract urself with things you have to do,
clean house, watch tennis, write that report...
but before long u remember and all you want to do is crawl into bed and fall asleep...
nothing gets done, u have wasted the day, u r now even more behind than u were before...
and still you cannot force yourself to do what u know needs to be done...
u see u think i am just angry and upset..
what u don't know is that i have died a little inside...

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him.

And with that said, Revenge is SWEET.

Kara - Jamaican Woman said...

just to be clear..
i haver never once thought that i won't make it to the other side of hurt...i firmly believe that time heals all wounds...i brace for the pain, allowing it to wash over me, knowing that the tears will end...
just in case u r wondering...:)

Yilem said...

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sirhova said...

I'm been somewhat halfway there. I think this type of hurt comes from being in love. Not just loving them, but the actually feeling and unexplained emotion of being "in love" that encompasses your whole body. I have never been there, and hope to goodness when love does happen, the hurt does not follow.

Chuck
www.chuckcity.vox.com

Kara - Jamaican Woman said...

whappen chuckster..i sometimes wonder if it is possilbe to experience love while escaping the pain....

Yamfoot said...

I know the sinking feeling.
And I know about a little piece of me dying each time.

Zander Robertson said...

it's been almost two years since you wrote that post. how are you feeling now? i like your blog, keep writing please.

Kara - Jamaican Woman said...

I know i am not completely healed..i've moved on, i have gotten to "happy", but every now and then, inexplicably, the pain returns and i realize just how badly i was hurt...not sure if i will ever put myself in the position to feel this way again...